Lights, Camera, Freeze

I'm working towards being more into my own self discovery and actually documenting it.  I hate being on video- i don't hate it per say...but when I know...when I feel the pressure of the glare of the camera...I can't function properly.  My mind stops...I am no longer a free flowing being, but rather a step by step, monotonous, trouble prone, calloused robot moving round and round.  I freeze.  It's a classic response, I'm sure. 
So I'm trying to video document myself, my progress, and not get caught up in the fact the most of the things I capture will only be seen by my eyes.   It's a process, right?  I see it too when I perform... my mind goes blank, I switch to cruise control at the highest speed possible, I make dumb faces, and lose so much of the muscle memory I've gained.  My skill is minimal and in the end...I'm breathless and wishing I had done so much more. 
So this year- I'm going to work on shedding my camera fright, post monthly practice videos, and be more generous to myself. 
It's time to reinvent my wheel....smoother this time, please

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